Life beside the edge

Dear Staff,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy in US since last Christmas, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Scheme Covering Retired Early
Workers). A person may be RAPEd once, SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as
Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTed or SCREWed any further by management. Persons staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention
of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Management

Took this from ENagar.com, post title as Management Letter.

I found this letter is so funny, it is not real for sure. As per current economy condition, sooner or later everyone of us might introduce some similar programs as mentioned in the letter. In Malaysia the MOST famous Scheme is called VSS (Voluntary Separation Scheme), eg This news. Some of the big MNC (Multi National Company) had implemented this scheme last month. Some of their target achievement is > 500 head counts. Can you imagine, 500 staff they plan to lay off…

Some Japanese Adviser told me that this condition may last until 2011 (they based on their Japan Specialist Advice). 2011, what would be the world looks like? I can’t imagine it. Currently most of the company started to move into fully automation Era, but they might have to force to stop/on-hold all the high-technology (High Values investment) in order to survive~

At this moment, no matter you’re consumer, buyer, or manufacturer, maintain low profile would be the most practical ways for these few years. NO big purchase, NO big changes~

So, do not be surprise if you received a letter from your management sound like above~